Tale of Two (?) Disciples

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way--in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.” Charles Dickens, Tale of Two Cities, page 1.

“I am a follower of the Christ.  He called me; I left everything  and followed Him.  I went everywhere with Him from that day on.  He taught me and touched me.  I have seen Him heal the sick,  and raise the dead.  I heard Him speak the Words of Life to multitudes of followers.  I was there with Jesus, on the boat, when He told the wind and the waves to be still; I saw Him walk on the Sea of Galilee.  I have laughed and cried with Him and prayed with Him.  He is my Best Friend, my Brother, my Teacher.

“Unfortunately, though, I haven't always been the best friend He needed.  I have often fallen far short of Jesus' expectations and disappointed Him.  I could even say that I have broken His heart on more than one occasion.  In fact, when He needed me, I betrayed Him.

“For one brief moment, I put aside everything He had taught me and did what I thought was best.  And at that moment, our eyes met and He looked straight into my eyes, into my heart.  The expression on His face stopped my heart and took my breath away.  He knew what I had done and His heart was broken because I had done it.  He wasn't angry.  He had tears of love and pity in His eyes, and I wished that I could run to Him and tell Him I how sorry I was – that I hadn't meant to hurt Him...and in that very instant, I saw that He knew all that was in my heart and my mind and He loved me.  Through His tears, I could see He still loved me.”

So, which disciple is it?  Which disciple failed Jesus the most?  Judas?  Peter? Who was the most evil disciple?  We all jump to say it was Judas don't we?  But when you think it through, every single one of the disciples failed Jesus in his own way, didn't they?  They all left him to be carried away by the Roman soldiers.  So why do we think of Judas as the worst?  I mean, at least, we could argue that Judas thought he was doing something to forward what he thought was the mission of the Messiah.  All of the rest of the disciples were just plain scared! 

A big question is, was Judas doomed from the very beginning?  Some of the articles I've read seem to say so.  That's really sad to think about isn't it?  I mean, Jesus had a choice but Judas didn't?  What kind of thinking is that?  Now, I had a thought while I was studying this, that absolutely nobody mentioned, but it kind of makes sense to me.  Now, this is just my thought, but could it have been that Jesus knew that one of His disciples would betray Him, but not which one.  That it could have been that any one of the twelve could have turned against Jesus...What do you think?

I have two reasons for asking.  One, because I believe that everyone has betrayed Jesus.  We are all capable of selling Jesus out for next to nothing, and have done so, more than once.  We betray Jesus every time we take our lives out of His hands because we're too impatient or too arrogant to wait for His timing and His wisdom.  That's really what Judas is guilty of, isn't it?

We betray Jesus every time we deny that we know Him because we're afraid that the people around us won't understand and laugh at us or think less of us because we consider ourselves one of His followers.  That's all Peter is really guilty of.

And that leads me to the second part of this question:  Could Judas have been forgiven?  Could He have repented?  Again, some of the things I read imply that He did repent and was denied forgiveness.  That doesn't sound right.  And, again, this is just me, but I want to believe that he could have repented and Jesus would have forgiven him...in fact, that Jesus had already forgiven him.  But that Judas did not accept Jesus' forgiveness. 

Because, if even one of us has been denied forgiveness, than salvation becomes the arbitrary gift bestowed by an arbitrary god.  And that's just not the God I believe in.  So what would you do if you got to Heaven and Judas was there too? (I'm not claiming to have any inside knowledge; I'm just speculating.) 

We have Jesus' promise; check this out: 

“And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.”  James 5:15 and “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  1 John 1:9

Spend a few minutes thinking what an amazing gift Jesus gave us when He spread His arms wide and took all of our sins upon Himself.

East To West

Casting Crowns

Here I am Lord,

And I'm drowning

In your sea of forgetfulness

The chains of yesterday surround me

I yearn for peace and rest

I don’t want to end up where you found me

And it echoes in my mind,

Keeps me awake tonight

I know you cast my sin as far as the east is from the west

And I stand before you now as,

As though I've never sinned

But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away

From you leaving me this way

Jesus can you show me

Just how far the east is from the west

Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been

Rising up in me again

In the arms of your mercy I find rest,

Cause you know just how far the East is from the West

From one scarred hand to the other.

I start the day the war begins

Endless reminding of my sin

And time and time again your truth is drowned out

By the storm I'm in

Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away,

From you leaving me this way

Jesus can you show me,

Just how far the East is from the West

Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been

Come rising up in me again

In the arms of your mercy I find rest

'cause you know

Just how far the East is form the West

From one scarred hand to the other.

I know you've washed me white,

Turned my darkness into light

I need your peace to get me through,

To get me through this night

Can’t live by what I feel

But by the Truth your work reveals,

I'm not holding on to you

But you're holding on to me,

You’re holding on to me

Jesus you know

Just how far the East is from the West

I don't have to see the man I've been,

Come rising up in me again

In the arms of your mercy I find rest

'cause you know just how far the East is form the West,

From one scarred hand to the other.