Leaders & Coaches & Mentors – Oh my!

Thoughts on the Sabbath School Lesson for 9.8.12

I have a set of dishes that I brought back from Germany with me that I only use on very special occasions.  The dishes were pretty expensive and, I think, beautiful, but I use them maybe three times a year. Most of the time they sit in a cabinet and collect dust. When I do bring them out, I worry about breaking a piece. Now, the dishes my family uses everyday aren’t nearly as pretty or expensive, but they can take the everyday knocking around of being used and washed and such. Which set of dishes are the most useful? Are they any less useful if they get chipped or dinged? No, not really, they just keep doing what they were made to do, dings and chips and all.

God’s not looking for fancy, fragile dishes that He can only use once in a while, “He's looking for rough-and-tumble clay pots—the kind that can be used everyday. He's looking for the kind of pots that don't need to be tucked away in a china closet, but can be sent out into a crash-bang world, carrying within them the life of Christ. The church was never meant to be a china cabinet, where precious pieces could be safely stowed out of harm's way. The church was meant to be a working kitchen, where well-worn pots are filled again and again to dispense their life-giving contents to a thirsty world.”[1]

Being a Christian isn’t a spectator sport; there aren’t even any bench-warmers. We may not realize it, but even within our own church families, we all have things to do.

“And we urge you, brethren, to recognize those who labor among you, and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake. Be at peace among yourselves.  Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:12-18

Now, I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a mom or dad giving her or his kids of list of things to remember to do while she (or he) is away, doesn’t it? This is Paul’s list of reminders to his little church in Thessalonica – the one with which he only got to spend three weeks. He’s not talking to them about spreading the gospel; he’s reminding them how they should treat each other, inside the church.

I think sometimes, we forget that we have a responsibility to our brothers and sisters in the church and because of that, our ultimate mission of telling the world the truth about Jesus suffers.

So, the first thing that Paul reminds us to do is to appreciate our leadership. (Ah, no eye-rolling!) Paul didn’t say we were exempt from “esteem[ing] them very highly in love” only if we thought they were doing a good job, if we agree with them, or if we liked them as individuals. He said “for their work’s sake” – just because they are our leaders.

What do you think that means? Well, I think it certainly means that we pray for our leaders, but I also think it means that we don’t complain about them to each other. That can be hard sometimes, can’t it?

Paul’s not done yet. He reminds us to “warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.”

So, is this the time to sit with our friends and “discuss” those folks who seem to be struggling? “Did you see those kids running up and down the hallways during potluck? Disgraceful!” Is this the time to tell those folks just how they should be doing things?

I think we’ve all had the experience of having someone come up to us in the middle of our difficult moment and tell us just how we should be doing things. It wasn’t very helpful was it? And, it didn’t bring us any closer to the person who was giving the instructions, did it? In fact, we probably still have a little hard place in our hearts for that person and his (or her) lack of empathy.

Our job isn’t to get mad at, gossip about, or give a piece of our minds to baby or struggling Christians. Paul tells us to gently educate the folks who seem to be out of line and to help the people who are “weak” or “fainthearted” to be stronger so they can eventually stand on their own.

Some might call that being a mentor or a coach, but it might be just being brothers and sisters in Jesus – just treating each other like Jesus treated people when He was here.

Now, even if we’re not actively involved in leading or mentoring or coaching at the moment, we still have instructions from Paul to follow: “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks;”

I love those verses! Have you ever noticed how just doing those three things can turn your whole day around? I remember when I flew home from Germany for the last time. I had a sixteen month old and I was eight months pregnant. We were moving back to Texas, but I had to fly home a couple of months ahead of time, so I was by myself. The morning I flew out of Germany, in June, there was frost on the ground. When I got off the plane in Dallas, it was 102 degrees. It had been a 12 hour flight. My mom and my aunt met me in Dallas and then drove me home to San Antonio (Yes, I could have flown, but I refused to get on another plane – I was eight months pregnant, give me a break!).

Anyway, we piled everything in my aunt’s van and headed for home…another six hours away. I was exhausted; my son was way past exhausted and tired of being contained in a car-seat. I thought we’d never make it. And then something amazing happened. My mom and aunt began to sing hymns – every hymn they knew. Pretty soon I was singing along and we were home before we knew it. The trip wasn’t a burden anymore. It was a wonderful time of praise to our Savior. Rejoicing, praying and giving thanks are a powerful mix.

“[As a child] Jesus carried into His labor cheerfulness and tact. … Often He expressed the gladness of His heart by singing psalms and heavenly songs. Often the dwellers in Nazareth heard His voice raised in praise and thanksgiving to God. He held communion with heaven in song; and as His companions complained of weariness from labor, they were cheered by the sweet melody from His lips. His praise seemed to banish the evil angels, and, like incense, fill the place with fragrance. The minds of His hearers were carried away from their earthly exile, to the heavenly home.” (Ellen G. White, The Desire of Ages, p. 73.)

I want to be like Jesus and be a blessing to others, don’t you?

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[1] Bryan Wilkerson, "Unbreakable?" PreachingToday.com

I'm all for having more patience... I just hate all the waiting!

Do you consider yourself a patient person?  I like to think that I am...but I'm not really.  I have somehow developed the ability to look relaxed and patient while my insides are one huge knot of frustration and impatience.  I guess that's a good thing sometimes, but it doesn't help me when the One I'm impatient with is God—what with Him knowing all my inner thoughts an all.

Am I the only one who gets impatient with God?  I tend to think not.  Not so much because I know so much about other people but because of the number of books and sermons I found that deal specifically with learning to “wait on the Lord”.  One book, especially, I think I want to check out.  It's called  You're Late Again, Lord!  The Impatient Woman's Guide to God's Timing.  The author, Karon Goodman, seems to really understand how hard it is to submit to God's perfect timing.  In the introduction to the book, Goodman sums it up quite nicely.

“We have become so accustomed to ordering and orchestrating and planning and scheduling that it is incredibly hard to admit that not all is within our control. Many decisions every day are ours to handle, and we get pretty good at taking care of things. We believe that we could carry on even better if God would only cooperate. We demand the answers we need from him, and yet we hear no response. We question and condemn the intolerable delays in the events we need to happen in our lives, and yet nothing changes. Doesn't God know that we need those answers NOW?
“Yes, he knows, but thankfully, he's smarter than we are. Because he knows how hard it is for us to wait, to abandon control and to trust beyond ourselves, he has devised a plan just for us. The basis of the plan appeared many years ago, but it applies so well today, to you and me. God is so clever.”

That's the hardest part, I think—trusting God enough to release our grip on our life and handing it over to Him,...even if we don't know or understand what He has in mind for us.

 

As Christians, I believe our definition of patience differs from the secular definition.  Secular patience can be defined as 

“the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation; the ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.”

Patience in the context of secular behavior is more about appearance than anything that might be going on in a person's heart or mind.  But in a Christian context, patience becomes something very different.  It is wrapped together with things like faith, contentment, and meekness.  Christian patience is about waiting or resting.  According to a pastor by the name of J. Hampton Keathley, III, 

“waiting means resting in God's timing and activity while taking care of our responsibilities—the things we can do and should do as set forth in the Word of God.”

Additionally, Keathley says that “waiting always means seeking the Lord.”  Waiting for God is not like waiting in a doctor's office.  There are things we need to be doing while we wait.  We need to be studying the Bible to find answers to our questions and

“claiming God's promises” and  praying for wisdom and understanding.
“The Lord is good to those who wait hopefully and expectantly for Him, to those who seek Him [inquire of and for Him and require Him by right of necessity and on the authority of God's word. “  Lamentations 3:2

Keathley states that 

“Waiting means claiming God's promises by faith and resting in what God is doing in our lives so we can faithfully follow God's principles and keep His values, priorities, and pursuits.”

If we're not waiting for the Lord or resting in Him, we are probably trying to solve things by ourselves, in our own strength.  We are trying to protect ourselves because we are angry, afraid and/or jealous.  We whine, grumble, or even run away from the problems. 

 “We try to control others, call attention to ourselves to bolster our feelings of inadequacy or to defend ourselves against the comments of others.  Out of fear of failure or loss we compromise our convictions, or what we know is rights.  But fear, which has displaced faith in the Lord, causes us to lean on the arm of flesh.”  

Keathley sure doesn't beat around the bush does he.

“To wait on the Lord means learning to be content and patient as we cling to God in a fallen world and rest in His love and wisdom.”

Paul already had that all figured out, didn't he. 

“Not that I am implying that I was in any personal want, for I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am.” Philippians 4:11.

Mrs. White made this comment about patience:  

“Patience under trials will keep us from saying and doing those things which will injure our own souls and injure those with whom we associate. Let your trials be what they will, nothing can seriously injure you if you exercise patience, if you are calm and unexcited when in trying positions.”  E.G. White, Our High Calling (1961), page 70. 

“Do your best, and then wait, patiently, hopefully, rejoicingly, because the promise of God can not fail. Christ's life of untiring effort has been recorded for our encouragement. He did not fail nor become discouraged. In time of trial, be patient. Patience is a precious jewel. It will bring health to heart and mind. Wait on the Lord until he sees that you are ready to receive and appreciate the blessings for which you ask. Exercise faith, even though the trials are severe. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Of faith hope is born.” The Review & Herald, May 30, 1912.

A cheerful heart

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”  Proverbs 17:22 

Ya know, I did a lot of research this week…maybe too much because I got way, way off the track.  There are sooooo many theories about how to stay healthy!  Some of them are really really strange – and really not helpful, at all. 

The one thing pretty much everybody agreed on was that our minds and our bodies are so closely connected that if one is sick so is the other.  Exercise can help you beat depression; pessimists tend to have more heart disease than optimists, etc.  In fact, most of the articles can be summed up in this quote from an article put out by the Public Health Agency of Canada:

“Positive mental health can help you cope with life’s challenges and enjoy life to the fullest. It can also help your recovery if you develop a mental illness.  The following suggestions can help you develop and maintain positive mental health.
• eat a well-balanced diet based on Canada’s Food Guide to Healthy Eating;• take part in physical activity regularly;
• get enough sleep each night;• avoid overuse of alcohol, such as binge drinking or drinking to cope with problems;• avoid the use of illegal drugs;• learn to deal with the stresses of modern life and take steps to minimize the stress in your life; and• talk to others – your family, friends, colleagues – about things that concern you. Sharing feelings and anxieties can help you cope with them.”

Pretty much everybody said the same things unless they were trying to sell something.  Something very important is missing though, and it was missing in almost everything I read…you know what I’m talking about, don’t you?  There’s a third part to the health equation – the spiritual part.  The only time I saw any reference at all to spiritual health was when I was told that meditation was the best way to relieve stress.

But then, I came across an article that I really enjoyed.  It said that research has proven that people who laugh more are less prone to have heart attacks and heart disease.  And you know what text immediately came into my mind.  Of course, in my own misquote, it’s a cheerful heart that “doeth good like a medicine.”  I looked and looked but could not find a translation that actually says it that way, so I must have made it up. 

Anyway, that sent me off searching through the Ellen White database and I found that she was a real proponent of maintaining a cheerful attitude.  She urges people over and over again not to dwell on the sadness and frustration of sin because that that is a tool of Satan.  But she goes further by saying that those kinds of feelings affect the efficiency of the way our bodies work, causing all kinds of health problems.

So, I’m convinced that we’re supposed to keep our hearts “merry”.  The question is, is that something that I can control over?  My psychologist colleagues would have us believe that our emotions are something we experience, not control.  In fact, some would say that if you control your emotion s, that you are “repressing” them which is a really bad thing to do.  I mean, come on, can I be happy just by choosing to be happy?  What if I’ve been diagnosed with depression?  I can’t choose to be happy can I?  I need medication for that right?

Are we at the mercy of our feelings?  This is another spot where I think teaching people that they are descended from monkeys causes problems.  So many of the kids I see everyday are at the mercy of their emotions.  When they get angry they throw things, hit things or people, break things, yell – all things we’ve seen an angry animal do.  If you talk to the student afterward, you’ll see very quickly that he (or she) feels no remorse for acting that way.  In fact, he thinks it’s perfectly normal.  The student will explain the behavior as, “Well, [that person] made me mad.”  In his mind, his response was acceptable and the expected response.

Now I’m going to ask a scary question.  What if everybody reacted to anger and frustration like the animals we’ve been taught that we are?  Don’t answer too fast because I believe the evening news is proof that a lot of us do act and react like that.  I guess the bigger question is:  Is that how God wants us to act?  He didn’t make us to be just another animal.  He made us in His image, just a little lower than the angels.  Did He make us to be controlled by our emotions?  I believe He made us to be better than that.  I believe that God has given us the ability to choose our reactions and, to some extent, our emotions themselves.

Now, don’t disagree too fast.  Even psychologists agree with me on this one.  There is a therapy style that teaches that if you start acting a certain way, your brain will follow.  Yes, I know it’s weird.  These are the same folks I told you teach folks that controlling your feelings is a bad thing…but sometimes humans do think things all the way through.  Anyway, the theory is that you should act the way that you would if you were happy or not scared or whatever.  And as you act that way, your brain follows along and you begin to feel that way.  There is even a behavior theory for teachers to use that goes so far as to tell the teacher to talk and react to students as though they were reacting to you exactly the way you wanted them to…whether they actually are acting that way or not.  That may go a little farther than I, personally, am comfortable with, but some folks that I’ve heard speak claim that it works. 

What I’m trying to say is that I believe that God has given us a choice not only with how we act, but in our feelings as well.  Think about how many times in the Bible we’re told not to be afraid.   Well, we’re also told over and over again to rejoice and be glad.

¯    Psalm 32:11  Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, ye righteous: and shout for joy, all ye that are upright in heart.

¯    Psalm 68:3  But let the righteous be glad; let them rejoice before God: yea, let them exceedingly rejoice.

¯    Psalm 118:24  This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

¯    Psalm 97:1  The LORD reigneth; let the earth rejoice; let the multitude of isles be glad thereof.

¯    Isaiah 65:18  But be ye glad and rejoice forever in that which I create: for, behold, I create Jerusalem a rejoicing, and her people a   joy.

¯    Isaiah 66:10  Rejoice ye with Jerusalem, and be glad with her, all ye that love her: rejoice for joy with her, all ye that mourn for her:

¯    Joel 2:21  Fear not, O land; be glad and rejoice: for the LORD will do great things.

¯    Zephaniah 3:14  Sing, O daughter of Zion; shout, O Israel; be glad and rejoice with all the heart, O daughter of Jerusalem.

¯    Matthew 5:12  Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

¯    1Peter 4:13  But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

¯    Revelation 19:7  Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.

Nowhere does it say TRY to rejoice and be glad. And we know that wherever God tells us to do something, He gives us the means to do it, right? 

So, does that mean that we never admit to feelings other than happiness?  I don’t think so.  We know that Jesus was sad, angry, and afraid.  We know that God has those same emotions.  But remember that God, instead of annihilating us whenever we mess up the perfect world He created, He sent His own Son to make our mistakes right. Can we really ever lose our joy if we keep that thought always in our minds?

So, what do we do to maintain that cheerful heart that will help keep us healthy?  God tells us all through the Bible.  “Fear not, O land; be glad and rejoice: for the LORD will do great things.”  Joel 2:21 Remember, there are supposed to be 365 “Fear Not” verses in the Bible; one for every day of the year.  And there’s another text that a friend showed me a few years ago that I really like in this context:

“For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete. Look at what is before your eyes. If anyone is confident that he is Christ's, let him remind himself that just as he is Christ's, so also are we. For even if I boast a little too much of our authority, which the Lord gave for building you up and not for destroying you, I will not be ashamed.” (2Co 10:4-8 ESV)

I especially like the phrase “take every thought captive to obey Christ”.  I believe that that is God’s promise that we don’t have to act on every thought that comes into our heads.  We don’t even have to think every depressing, angry, bitter, frustrated, sinful thought that comes into our heads.  Ok, well, the thought can pop up…but we can take it captive and throw it out as soon as we can.  Or we can dwell on that thought.

We have a decision to make.  Will we let our emotions run our lives and make us sick?  Or will we

“… count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” (Jas 1:2-4 KJVR)